Wednesday, December 06, 2006



You know those tacky t-shirts you always see from someone else’s vacation…”Grandma went to Mardi Gras and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”? Well, I’m ordering new ones. Mine shall read, “I graduated from residency, and all I got was this lousy deployment”. That’s right, dear friends. The US government has generously given me a 6-month, all expense paid trip to the Horn of Africa. I won’t tell you the exact country. Not because it’s top secret or anything. It’s not. It’s just that when I got the news, I googled it to find out all about it. Other lucky “travelers” going to the same location might also search for info, and the last thing I want is for them to find THIS site. Then I’d be stuck in the middle of BFE with people who know all about that time the masseur “finished me off”. Oh, I never wrote about that? Ha!

Anyway, I leave in early January. This doesn’t leave much time to get my affairs in order. I have learned, however, that it’s quite easy to make a will when you have no spouse, no children, and not much of actual value. On the off chance anything should happen to me, I’m leaving everything in trust for Hooch. He’s got an excellent head for numbers. If I take three biscuits out of the jar and only give him two, he’ll sit there expectantly until he gets the third.

Seriously though, there are many things to be done, plans to be changed, and stuff to buy. There is a store of sorts at the camp, but there are some things I simply can’t do in generic form. Thus, I’ll be busy collecting half a years worth of moisturizer, lip balm, and tampons. Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about what else to pack as the military will provide me with my daily wardrobe. Thank god for small favors. To that end, I will update as often as I can over the holidays, but don’t be upset if I don’t. Gathering all those tampons may take some time.

As time gets closer, I’ll e-mail everyone an address and official government-type e-mail (g-mail, hotmail, and the like are blocked on “official” computers) should you feel like keeping in touch or sending me stuff to read, eat, shoot, etc. Unfortunately, I’ve also learned blogs are impossible to access, so if you write something really funny (I know, it’s ALL really funny), I’d love it if you forward a copy of that as well.

Don’t worry. I’m not leaving just yet. And I’m working of photos of Santa Hooch to post. Now if I could just figure out how to keep his eyes from glowing demonically, it would seem so much cheerier.

Hey, Stampy, email me and I will give you a super secret back door blog key to the internet.
Wow! This is some news, woman! I hope you have a safe and fun adventure on The Horn. Please send me your addy - I shall really, really miss you! Oh...before you go...may I make a request? Can you please tell the one about how the masseur finished you off?? Please?

I'm speechless and I miss you already. NOt that I didn't miss you before but damn. Please send me the contact info. I'll try to call this weekend while I'm all hungover from holiday parties and vicodin.

Where is Hooch going? Does he need a caregiver? Can I help?
Stampy! You're leaving! I hope all goes well in this mysterious tampon-less place.
I'll miss your blog, Stampy! Have fun on your new adventure!
WOW!! That is so cool. What an adventure. If you can't blog I hope you can do some sort of mass email newsletter so we can know how you are doing. I'd also love your addy so I can send you tampons if you need them. Or candy. Or toilet paper. Or whatever.

I bet Hooch is gonna miss you something crazy.

What! Wait! Whoa. Do you have a suitcase big enough for me? To be packed in, I mean?

I have too many questions. I'm just calling you. Oh, and snail mail by the truckloads? You better believe it.
OK, I'm not in your goddamn will. I get it. You're not taking me with you. I get it. And we're never gonna get the commando story. I get that, too. But dammit, the masseuse story? You are NOT leaving the country without telling us that. Please. Our lives are so empty. Share. If not on the blog, at least have the good grace to pop out an email to those of us, like me and Sara, who live vicariously like this.

Oh .. and ... I WILL be awaiting your official email and stuff. They don't censor what people say to YOU, do they?
FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKK!!!!! This sucks. Who is going to keep Hooch?
So loved meeting you. And making a total ass out of myself. (Me: Let me explain Blogher to you! You: Ummmm.)

...Now if only I could send everyone I've embarrassed myself with to

I will totally send you things to eat! And read! Add me to your email list.
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