Saturday, November 04, 2006



She entered the house in a stylish outfit (low-cut blouse, tight black pants, and high-heeled boots) with perfect hair and flawless make-up. After all, it is apparently impossible to solve crimes if you are chunky and slovenly. The smell immediately smacked her in the face. Once you’ve smelled this smell, you never forget it. It reeked of dog piss. She looked across the room and found a possible suspect…

He looked awkward and guilty. After all, it’s always the dog. She tried questioning him but he just continued to look cute and wag his tail. When it became apparent she wasn’t going to fall for his act, he stopped begging for biscuits and went to sleep. ON. THE. COUCH. (Little unrepentant bastard.)

She put down her kit (which looked suspicially like a bag from PetSmart) and took out a black light (marketed for just such an emergency).∗ She turned off the lights and began to search for evidence. She discovered two things. First, the dog's leash has a glow in the dark pattern on it. Who knew? More importantly, she found out that the dog is afraid of blacklights. He stood behind her legs and barked around them frantically. Perhaps a sign of guilt?

Several minutes of crawling around the floor later, she was forced to admit defeat. There was no evidence of piss to be found. Perhaps she was smelling things. Perhaps the dog needed a bath. Perhaps it was time to take out the garbage. But all was not lost…it was time to chase the dog around with the blacklight. After all, she didn’t want to waste this ensemble for nothing.

∗BIG EWWW! Please note that the side of the box also suggests alternative uses for the pissfinder including taking it to hotel rooms to assess their cleanliness. It also has a chart on the side which shows what different stains look like - including semen. I think this is something probably better left unknown. Or I may never travel again.

I like the use of the pics of the dog with the storytelling... very nice!
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