Thursday, April 13, 2006
Cast of Characters
STAMPY - C'est moi! The frequently depressed, sometimes manic, always entertaining (at least to myself) authoress.
HOOCH - Boxer of stampy. Best canine pal. Champion farter. 65 pound lap dog who steals baguettes.
RUBY - Best martini drinking friend. Born in Texas. Raised in Georgia. Drinks Grey Goose, even in dive bars. Wife to "The Bobo" and mama of "Squirrel Nuts"
THE BOBO - Ruby's husband. Friend of mine since med school. Born and raised in Punxsatawney, PA. Yeah, that's right. The Groundhog was at their wedding. Known to drink too much whiskey and play acoustic guitar until the wee hours. Able to make the most annoying sounds known to man.
SQUIRREL NUTS - 2+ year-old daughter of Ruby and The Bobo. Too cute for words. Gives big sloppy wet kisses. Learned to say "I fahted" at too young an age.
THE BOYS - Two ginger long-haired domestic cats belonging to Ruby. Niles is getting fat (yes, Ruby, he is), and Frazier purrs like a motorboat.
AH-SWEEP-AY - Asshole ex-boyfriend now married to much younger girl who wants to have babies and move back to New Jersey. Fellow orthopedic surgeon.
FIVE - Bestest bitchin' buddy. Fellow surgeon (ENT). Named as such because 5 was the highest on the scale and she understood that.
MR. LAVENDER - Five's husband. I was friends with him independently and was sooo happy when they got together. The name is a partial homage to Reservoir Dogs and a partial piss-take on his love for the scent of lavender. Only truly funny when you realize he is a big, tough marine.
SMELLYELLY - Five and Lavender's fetus due in the next 6 weeks or so. Hey, a kid born with an embarassing nickname is a kid truly loved.
THE BITCHES - Five and Lavender's cats. Poopers is a Siamese with all the attendant attitude. Has hissed at me and hates Hooch. Crackers is a tiger tabby with a crooked tail which we like to say is her "mark of the devil".
WALTZING MATILDA - Friend from Tasmania. Barracks for (supports) the same Aussie Rules football team I do -
Collingwood. Funny as shit. Always the last person (with me) up drinking at an all-nighter. We have seen the paper delivered several times at Five's house.
THE SILVERBACK - Matilda's husband. Former roommate of Mr Lavender. Fellow Marine. Built like a fireplug. Rugby player who takes no prisoners and appears to have no pain receptors.
WALLY - The third roommate in the Lavender/Silverback/Wally house of beer. Likes dogs more than people. Currently far enough away that I may post his "18 Hours on a Plane With Diarrhea" story just for nostalgia.
AUNTIE M - My mom's sister who lives here in San Diego. She is my coolest relative. Doesn't recall the early 70's.
DATAMAN - My uncle, husband of Auntie M. Heinously methodical. Reads Consumer Reports cover to cover. Techno-geek.
TAMMI FAYE - Wonderful friend of Stampy and other stray animals everywhere. Committed vegetarian. Mom to four-legged pals Buddy, Gunnar, and Sheba (Hungarian Circus Dog). Engineer extraordinaire. Used to party at Studio 54.
BOBBY - Tammi Faye's husband. Fighter pilot. Unrepentant cusser who is still offended when women cuss gratuitously. Avid mountainbiker. My Buddha.
More updates as posts warrant.