Wednesday, March 15, 2006


My Dog Pees Like a Girl

Well, some of you might remember that during The Great Boxer Asian Pear Heist, I threatened Hooch that if he misbehaved, I'd tell the internet he peed like a girl. Here's the deal. While I was in Seattle, he ate the arm off my very expensive deco couch. I was willing to let him off on that one for separation anxiety. Since I have been home, he has had several borderline personality-type episodes. But last night, he went over the edge. I was on call (during which I never sleep well) and went to bed early. At around 1am, I woke up to the sounds of paper rustling. So tired, rolled over and went back to sleep. At 1:30 am, I woke up and he was drinking heartily out of the toilet (something he never does). When I woke up very early this AM, i found out why I had slept so poorly. The wrapper from a very stale half baguette was on the floor and a large amount of crumbs were on the no-longer-suitable for company couch. Both water bowls were empty (remember, the baguette was VERY stale). That was the final straw.

So here is Hooch's dirty little secret. Since the day I adopted him, he has squatted to pee. Several friends with more puppy experience than me assured me that he would grow out of it. Well, he hasn't. I walk this 65 pound ball of muscle that makes people step aside. Then, he walks up to a tree, sniffs it, walks past it to a nice patch of green grass, and squats. Just after I returned from Seattle, he actually lifted his leg for the very first time. I cheered! I told him what a very good boy he was. He looked at me understandingly, smiled his crooked little smile, and squatted to finish. Since then, he has half-heartedly half-hiked a leg, squatted with his pelvis pushed to the side, or simply gone back to his old ways. And I've come to realize that it is sheer laziness.

The dog will launch himself off the back of the couch 8 million times in a row, run laps on the deck which get going so fast he banks of the wall, and take my legs out form under me on the steps to beat me downstairs, but he is too lazy to lift a leg.

Must be nice to be a very spoiled dog.

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