Thursday, December 15, 2005
Happy Holidays Jerry Falwell!
In tribute to these paragons of virtue, I present my small but proud Xmas tree (please substitute X with deity of your choice).
I know it doesn't seem like much to argue about but he IS a real tree (and his name is Bruce...as in rhymes with Spruce). Bruce was apparently out to lunch when the tree fairys gave out that fresh pine scent I so associate with THE HOLIDAYS. Thus, we burn some l'occitane winter incense every evening and bask in the glow of all 14 lights I squeezed onto Bruce. He also lacks a tree topper (they were all too big) so I am planning on making him a tinfoil star tophat for his stocking (eat your heart out Martha!). But despite all of this, I'm determined Bruce will have a very merry HOLIDAY.
Then I'm going to decorate him with condoms, stick him in a box, and mail him to the good Reverend Falwell along with a Spring Candy Receptacle full of treats from the Holiday Bunny.
..."In reality, printing “Merry Christmas” on a menu or singing 'Silent Night' in a school program is an establishment of religion in the same way that eating a nut makes you a squirrel"...
While I am awed by this brilliant stroke of logic, squirrels everywhere are atwitter. I'm hoping a citizens group supporting the appropriate presentation of squirrels in the media makes sure the good Reverend watches what he says about their nuts. I'll have to get Amanda B. on this.
I think that the far left and right are just pusing against each other like a bunch of crazy monkey children. They all want their way which has little to do with reality.
It's Christmas time, and Hanukkah time, and good grief can't we all relax and enjoy it?