Sunday, December 11, 2005

 

Crowded in a Crowd

THE NEXT INSTALLMENT IN “WHAT CHEESES ME OFF”

I have a big problem when people don’t understand the whole “personal space” thing. Some might assert this is because I grew up as an only child (loved every minute of it). But I would assert it is due to the fact that so many people either think that the world is their living room or that there is no one else in the world but them.

Here are some examples…

YOGA: I take ashtanga and bikram yoga. I try to get there several minutes before the class starts to secure some yoga mat real estate. Then some schmuck comes in 3 minutes after the class starts and puts their mat down right next to you…right where your arm or leg has to go in some unnatural pose. Then they act all offended that your toes are in their face when all you can think about is “ohmigod…my body is not intended to bend this way.” Fuckers.

BATHROOMS: There are six empty stalls. I take the end one. Someone comes in and takes the stall right next to me. What if I fart while I’m peeing? I would just die. (No really, I have a shy bladder.)

MOVIE THEATERS: I sit in the front third of the theater. There is no one in front of me. Then some couple comes in (with a giant tube of popcorn which they will chomp down with their mouths wide open) and sits two rows up directly in front of me. If I’m really lucky, a heavy breather with individually wrapped cough drops will sit just behind me.

THE GYM: O.k. So here’s what set this all off…I’m at the gym this morning in the room with all the free weights. There is no one in the room – plenty of space. I’m sitting on a weight bench doing bicep curls when an older man comes in,, picks up a pair of barbells and stands half in front of me while he throws them around. His sweaty, wrinkly crotch is at eye level less than a foot away. “For gods sake man, you have the whole room to strut around. Have some decency. I haven’t had my coffee yet.” Yuk!

End of rant – I need some coffee. Then I think I’ll do some Xmas shopping. Just the thing for someone who freaks out in crowds.

Comments:
Amen sister. Tell it.
 
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