Tuesday, November 15, 2005


You can take the girl out of the trailer: Part I

Several years ago, I was invited to a Halloween party out in the desert. The desert (in this case "The Gateway to Death Valley") is a special place. Some say mystical. Some say otherworldly. I say a place where you are so f'in hot and so dirty all the time that any self-respecting behavior you might usually exhibit goes out the window. Ruby's husband (then boyfriend) affectionately referred to as "the Bobo" had a work party to attend and we drove up for it. None of us was quite sure what to wear so we made a game of it - 20$ a piece at the Walmart and not a penny more. We challenged each other to new depths of tastelessness. This is always a bad idea with closet rednecks.

We ended up dressed as "trailer trash". As Ruby is from Georgia, I'm from Alabama, and the Bobo is from just outside the coal mines of rural Pennsylvania, this is not politically incorrect. It's called "going back to your roots". Ruby and I purchased matching shoes (on sale for $2.99 and we were robbed) by the brand name "Fanfares" which we insisted on pronouncing "Fahn - Fahr - Ays". We also got matching fake nails with "jewels". Ruby got herself a fine t-shirt with a metallic iron on decal. Finally, we both got some balloons. Figure out for yourself what they were for...

Aren't we charming. Now - the party was in a gated community with extra security. If you want to know how we got in and what godforsaken appetizers we brought, you'll just have to stick around for part deux.

Before anyone asks...Ruby's shirt says "Foxy Lady" and yes, I owned the budweiser shirt well before this Halloween.
Sadly, I've seen pictures of "Ruby" in high school..she looks shockingly similar. And Stampy...I think you were my waitress at Waffle House last week. Georgia does have its fair share (and then some) of the rednecks in this country.
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