Sunday, November 27, 2005


National Lampoon: Road Trip (Day Two)

While everyone, including myself, likes to think of themselves as a conscientious drivers, very few of us ALWAYS keep our hands in the 10 o’clock/2 o’clock positions and our eyes and minds on the road. I was reminded of that on my drive through Northern California into Oregon when my feet got cold. See, I like to drive barefoot. This works well in the deep South or Sourthern Calfornia. Less so at 5000’ in the Shasta National Forest. Therefore, I found myself PUTTING SOCKS ON while going 75 MPH down a winding 6 degree grade. And rest assured that these were not easily applied tennis socks but fully elasticized snowboarding socks.

When I took the time to ponder the stupidity of this action (and 800 miles on I-5 later, there is plenty of time to ponder), I recalled other dumb things I’d undertaken behind the wheel…

Eaten breakfast
Applied lipstick
Taken off cowboy boots
Choreographed routines to rap songs
Scratched dog's ears
Took these pictures of Mt Shasta to share with you

That being said, the all time most dangerous activity I’ve heard of was when three friends of mine drove from Massachusetts to Florida. Two of them would sleep while the other would drive. She woke up to find the driver steering with his knees and putting drops in one eye while “keeping the other eye on the road – I swear.” Needless to say, that was the last time he drove that trip.

If anyone is reading, I’d love to know what the dumbest/most dangerous thing you’ve done while driving. And no, we don’t want to know if you got a blowjob while driving. If ,however, you GAVE a blowjob while driving – well I’m sure we’d all be interested in the logistics of that. And your cookie is in the mail.

Well, besides the obvious drinking while driving..I'd say the dumbest was when I was reading a book in traffic. I just could NOT put this book down so I took it with me on my commute to the office and spread it out on my steering wheel and would read a bit and occassionally glance at the road. Brilliant. And the kicker is that I was TOTALLY offended when some jack ass cussed me out about it. Eff him if he's too stupid to read and drive.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?