Sunday, November 27, 2005


Medical Lampoon:Road Trip (Day One)

Day one of driving ranks up there with one of the more frustrating days ever spent traveling. Ruby and I had a relaxing lunch at Ki’s – a great little restaurant just across from the beach. We sat outside in the sun, and it was a beautiful day. I set off boldly on I-5 north and promptly came to a dead stop in traffic. An hour later, I briefly hit the speed limit past Camp Pendleton and through San Clemente. That would be the last time I passed 30 mph for 200 miles. Most of the time, traffic was moving slower than some people can run – not me mind you, but some people. Here’s an example, at 4:31 pm the odometer read 102.3 miles. At 4:45 pm, the odometer read 106.2 miles. I have pictures to document this but as they were taken from between the steering wheel or without focusing on the clock, they suck. Thus, you’ll just have to take my word for it

I made it over the grapevine (a tedious part of the drive well known to those who’ve done it before) and finally decided to stop in Lost Hills, CA at around 9pm. The only motel that did not completely skeeve me out was the Motel Six. It must be better known as the Motel 6 that time forgot in Lost Hope, CA. Tom Bodette says they’ll “leave the light on”. Perhaps they should turn the lights down and invest the money saved on electricity in some post-1970’s décor. I called my mom and told here I was staying in the same motel room we used to stay at on family trips in the late 70’s. No, it didn’t remind me of the ugly comforter. I’m pretty sure it was the same one.

Now I’m no giant – I’m only 5’8”. Apparently my room was designed for a tinier clientele. My ankles hung off the end of the double bed. I had to do half a backbend to get my head under the shower head. The towels were large enough to dry only half a thorax at a time. I climbed between the 13 thread count sheets with the 100% polyester blanket, turned off the TV with a remote (batteries held in with scotch tape – nothing but class), and settled in for a good night sleep…

UGh...I could almost FEEL those sheets on my skin. Nice hotel.
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